Leeroy Cloggins

Party clog.

...is ten minutes too far

My friend Abby came to Amsterdam for the weekend. She and Trad were together a few years back and we've been friends ever since. She lives in London now and works in fashion PR. She is a pretty fancy girl and is a lot of fun to hang out with. We used to catch up every now and then when I was living in London, so it was cool to be able to show her around some places here. She stayed with her friend Savvi who works for Nike Europe. Savvi grew up in Melbourne and has lived here for a while now. Her apartment is fucking amazing. Super fantastiche.

Abby

Two more of Abby's friends were in Amsterdam this weekend as well; Emily and Campbell. They are friends of Abby's who have been traveling Europe for the past year or so in a camper van. I'd met Emily years ago but I have a memory like a deflated football, so I didn't really remember her. She is Jesse's sister... That more than likely means nothing to almost everyone who is reading this. In saying that, if you are Leo, Carlos, Trad, Rea or anyone else from Noosa/Sunshine Coast, then you will be able to make all the necessary connections. Emily and Campbell are about to fly back to Australia via Sri Lanka. Rad.

Campbell & Emily

On Saturday the four of us went to the Noord Market (Noord is Dutch for...North), then the three of them went on a guided tour of the red light district and smoked some weed. I don't dig on grass and I have seen the red light district enough, so I went home and fell asleep listening to the new M. Ward record. I'm kicking myself in the face for not going to see M. Ward two weeks ago when I had the chance. Piss. Gijs and Santina came home from work and we cooked some food. I stayed home on Saturday night because I was tired from walking around all day and my cash is really starting to dwindle. I stayed up until 4am and finished the bottle of Jack that I bought duty free, then gave Trad a call. He wasn't easy like Sunday morning like Lionel Richie would have you believe. I woke the wookie.

Let sleepers lie

Princengracht

Jesus & Abby & I

Please rob us

Ummm.... You're white. You can't get a Rasta tattoo... Unless it is meant to be as ridiculous as my Tupac tattoo. I have a feeling she is serious though.

Window shopping

On Sunday we (Abby, Campbell, Emily, Gijs, Santina, Savvi and myself - fuck yes, that list is in alphabetical order - almost) went and had bagels and coffee, then went to the library near Central Station. The library is huge and is pretty magnificent piece of modern architecture. It has a restaurant on the top floor and pretty gnarly views of the city and part of the harbour. No photos this time, I left my camera at home.

Santina and Gijs and Patrick came and visited me at work on Friday. I went for a spin on Santina's bike. I'm going to try and get one this week I think.


Shit I've been getting down with:

Röyksopp - Junior
Only Pat will like this album. Everyone else who even bothers to heed my recommendation will think it is complete Euroswine. Even I'm not 100% convinced yet. We just sat through five of the eleven tracks. Santina wasn't really feeling it. Her favourite band is KISS though, so figure that one out.

Little Miss Sunshine
I watched ten minutes of this movie on the plane from Brisbane to Singapore, but then my TV fucked itself. I just watched the whole thing with Gijs and Santina and I think it is great. My favourite scene might be when the doctor tells the family that the grandpa has died, then says he will get the grief counsellor to come and talk to them about the remains... "LINDA!" Funny shit. Also, the contest is held in Redondo Beach... Morrissey... mmm.

Booker T & The MGs
Dude is a Soul & R'n'B legend from the 60s who is releasing his new album on ANTI. He played Amsterdam last week and I went along to the show with a few people from work. I think Booker T's most famous song is "Green Onions" - I guarantee you know it, just maybe didn't know who wrote it. Anyway, dude was super friendly and extremely intelligent. When I spoke to him, he really seemed to consider every word before he would say it. The guitarist who was playing with him is named Steve Cooder and wrote Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay. We had a good old chat about Guy Sebastian; Australia's favourite Idol. You might remember "our Guy" released a covers album in late 2007? It stormed the charts that Christmas. His voice being that of an angel, carried it on wings, straight off the shelves and into the CD collections of thousands of Australians. Well my mate Coods recorded it for Guy in Memphis or some shit. Anyway, fuck Guy Sebastian, watch Booker laying out some sweet organ work. Another side note, I bought a round of beers during the show which came to €9.20 and I paid with a €20 note. The barman gave me €30.80 in change. Super stoked.

Movie Stills w/ Sub-titles
Gijs and Santina always watch DVDs with the sub-titles on, either in English or Dutch. This results in some interesting screen shots.



Two final things:
1. I'm going to send some postcards soon. If you want one (with a personalised message from myself), then email/msn/aim/myspace/facebook/sms me your address.
2. I'm going to try and grow a mustachio like John Waters. Wish me luck.

Master Crumble for dinner

Hello. I started an internship at Epitaph Records Europe last week and have been pretty busy since then. Epitaph also does Hellcat Records, Burning Heart Records and ANTI Records. Neko Case debuted at #3 on the US Billboard chart and she is on ANTI. People at work are losing their shit. The album is really nice. Listen to it if you like chicks with nice voices playing nice country-ish music. Journalism degree and I still really like using the word nice. Nice. This is the first time in about two months that I've worked (I work 10-6 five days a week) at a desk, and to be honest I am really enjoying be back in an office and having a bit of a routine. I guess it helps that I'm not working at the Department of Main Roads anymore... This job is a touch more exciting.

So I guess I knew before I came over here that it was going to be a stretch for me to get a full time job with solid cash in this industry, however I think I really underestimated the current global economic crisis... If shit doesn't work out so well then Brisbane might cop a raw deal and be seeing me a whole lot sooner than planned... Having said that, I'm staying positive. The Hold Steady - Stay Positive. (Reminds me I never got around to doing a Top 10 records of last year. I might do that if I get bored at work this week...)

Anyway, I used to do a lot of work with Alma from Epitaph when I worked for Atticus/Macbeth, so she was nice enough to hook me up this work even though she said I am "way over qualified" to be doing it... Pretty minimal cash as its an internship, but fuck it, I get to work with some cool people and I get paid some cash each month as well as a shit tonne of free vinyl and CDs and shows etc, so its not all bad. Another good thing is that I'll probably get some tours out of it. Epitaph just started a merch company, so there should be a bit of work for me in the next few months that will pay properly. Hopefully Warped Tour in one capacity or another...

Other than that, I haven't been doing too much. We don't have the internet at home anymore because whichever neighbour we were stealing wireless from figured it out. Bummer. I did stay up until 4am a few nights though talking shit on msn to people in Australia and downloading a lot of music, so I guess we milked it for all it was worth. I'm still staying at Gijs and Santina's place in the living room. I owe them one hundred thousand vegan Euros. Or even better, I will just return the favour when they come to Australia to hang out. Pretty sure the Dutch hung out in Australia before Captain Cook did... It'll be like homecoming when they come down.

Gijs and Santina scored a washing machine off their friends the other night, so Gijs' parents came to Amsterdam to help pick it up and get it into the flat. Flats in Amsterdam are generally in the four or so floors above the shop fronts on the road level. Gijs and Santina live on the first floor. Thank the sweet Duke John for that! Gijs, his mate, his dad and myself had to carry a washing machine down four flights of stairs and load it into Gijs' dad's car. That sucked. The Dutch didn't design their hallways and stairwells for fatties, let alone four dudes trying to carry an antique washing machine. The thing weighed more than Nina's fridge at our old place. Luckily the hallway was a decent width.

So we get it back to Gijs' flat, but there is no way it is going to fit up the stairs in their building, so it has to come through the front window. I'll let the photos do the talking. They say a picture tells a thousand words. If these pictures had voice boxes or fingers to hold pens and could write legibly, these are some of the words they would say:

"This thing is really fucking heavy, dude."

"Gijs, hurry up! Your mum can't hold it for much longer." (Ho ho ho! You laugh?)

"This is bullshit."

"No, I didn't piss my pants from straining. The water leaked out of the machine when we pulled it over the railing."

"This rope burn on my hands makes me look like I've been masturbating for 14 hours. You should see my dick."

"I am the strongest man alive."

"Great city planning you stupid 19th century Dutch pricks."

"I wish Shane Collins was here. I'd be drinking peach iced tea and the machine would already be in the rinse cycle."

Pulling a washing machine over a railing

Shit I've been getting down with lately:

The Gifthorse - From The Floor Up

Shane sent me the new Gifthorse ep the other day and I can't stop listening to it. It makes me wish I was at home to break my knee for real when they have their launch show. I have been playing it quite a bit in the office and everyone seems to like it. One of the girls said Shane's voice on the Spy vs. Spy cover reminds her of Gavin Rossdale from Bush... Haha. How's your Glycerine, Shane?

Young Governor - Virginia Creeper 7"

Dude from Fucked Up/No Warning's solo band. Super good. Maybe a little Dan Sartain-ish. Listen to it. Have a house party. Play it at that house party. Mack a babe. Woo her with your great taste in music. Tell her an impressive story about your friend Nick who is living in Amsterdam. Kiss her face.

A Guide To Recognising Your Saints

This movie has Robert Downey Jr., (B)Rosario Dawson, Chazz Palminteri and Dianne West in it as well as a bunch of young actors. It is one of the saddest stories/movies I have seen in a while. Kind of like a Wes Anderson movie but not funny, just depressing. It is set in Brooklyn in the 80s and is a true story, based on a book of the same name which I am going to to try and find this week. If you see it at a shop, buy it. If you can download it, do it. The scene with Dianne West and Robert Downey Jr. on the stairs when he goes back to see his parents after 15 years... Holy sad shit. Saddest.

William Elliott Whitmore - Animals In The Dark

We have been listening to this new album a lot at work because ANTI put it out. Really nice album. (Nice). Dude is touring here soon and I will get to see him play a few times. Stoked.

Hertog Jan

I guess this is maybe the Dutch answer to Coopers Pale Ale... In so much as it is brewed with fancy water under strict regulations regarding preservatives and all that shit. Hertog Jan literally translates to Duke John. Top bloke ol' Johnny! I'm thinking to get a Hertog Jan tattoo on my leg at some point before I leave...

Moha!

Gijs and I went to the Ocii (Cool little venue that used to be a squat about 20 years ago and now does proper shows) the other night while Santina stayed home and drank my Jack Daniels. We saw a collaboration between this Norwegian band Moha! and a couple of other people... They had a huge light setup across the front of the stage, like flood lights and strobes and all sorts of gnarly shit. They were kind of like early Fantomas, and were loud as fuck. Couple the sheer volume of their drums and their drum machine and other programming bits, and the blinding lights and it was a pretty awesome show. Gijs didn't like it, I bought a 12".

Shit I've not been getting down with lately:

Ben Lee

We listened to his new album at work a couple of times yesterday. The dude needs to shut his stupid koala looking face. A lot of people hated his older stuff, but I didn't mind some of it. After listening to this contrived horse shit, I can honestly say that if I were to ever be unlucky enough to meet him, I would tell Ben Lee his music really blows. You're not John Lennon, dude. You're not remotely close. You aren't allowed to have a song about Yoko Ono. Fuck. Ergh.

Vegemite

So the one small jar of Vegemite I bought at Brisbane Airport the day I left is well and truly finished. I went for a walk to the US/UK food store the other day which is on one of the busy touristy streets in Central Amsterdam. Luckily they sell antipodean novelties as well! I paid €6 for a 150g jar of Vegemite. I'm a stupid asshole. That is roughly $13 Australian. Old dude running the store must be glad there are douchers like me around who want to make delicious treats for themselves. I have been disfiguring at least four croissants a day in the microwave with Vegemite and cheese. If I keep it up I might become known as Fat Tits Lucas.

Dog shit

The savages living in this city. For the most part, I'm not a huge fan of dogs. Amsterdamians (Amsterdamites? Amsterdamese?) aren't helping me out so much. On every foot path, on every street, everywhere in this city; Dog shit. I haven't tread the stinky line yet, but the day it happens I'm going to fucking flip. I'll take a shit on a dog's foot and then we'll see what's up. Street by street, block by block... A Brownstorm.

Master Crumble for dinner

Learning Dutch

The Mike Giant way.

Holy shit!

Dude can climb!
He got to the top on his own but had to use a fire-truck ladder to get down...

Dude decided to climb to the top of a cross, strip, shit in his hand and wipe it on the cross...

Maybe he is the second coming of Christ?
He kind of looks like Jesus but with shorter hair and smellier hands...


From 8 a.m. to around 3:15 p.m. yesterday, an unidentified nude twentysomething man, reported to be suicidal, sat 50 feet in the air atop the cross at West Bethel Presbyterian Church on La Brea Ave. between Wilshire and Olympic. He finally came down after a seven hour confrontation with the fire and police departments (including SWAT), who had placed an air cushion on the ground in case he fell and a ladder for him to climb down on, which he used.

A witness told KTLA that the man told her he was "protesting against Christianity." He apparently climbed up clothed, but stripped and threw is clothes down. His only request during the standoff was a towel to wipe his hands clean after wiping his waste on the cross. An officer told the TV station that one of the crimes he would be arrested for was defacing a church, which is a felony.

(story from: http://laist.com)

"We don't like Jesus either, children."

Party party party

Santina turned 24 yesterday so she had a little hoo haa. I got pretty leathered, took over the ipod and taught the Dutch all about Australian musicians like Daryl Braithewaite, John Farnham, INXS, Frenzal Rhomb, Toe To Toe, The Gifthorse and Amity. They liked all.

I didn't take many photos, in fact I only got a couple when everyone was here and then when there were only five of us left sat around at 3am... Too much drank.

I learned today that the Dutch say "Ik heb een kater geadopteerd" when they have a hang over. It literally translates to "I adopted a cat". I must be a fucking animal shelter or a demented old cat lady if that is the case.

Santina's mum gave her a Bon Jovi picture book.

Apple cake!

High five!

Sander and his lady were the last to leave. Pretty sure he would have fallen off his bike on the way home. Dude was shit faced.

Gijs!

I like food, food tastes good

I've travelled as far from Australia as you can go before you start coming back. I'm immersed in a foreign culture and an unfamiliar climate. I "sit on a park bench thats older than my country". All around me fine art adorns the walls of historic buildings. The buildings themselves venerable architectural masterpieces. For centuries Amsterdam has beget poets, artists, musicians, philosophers and other brilliant minds.

It is only fitting then that I pen a blog concerning the preferred food stuffs I've acquired a taste for over the past few weeks. Low brow. Still, who would want to read my opinion on Rembrandt or Caravaggio?

2, 4, 6, 8, blog in, don't wait.


#1 - Party Sticks.
These delicious little guys are simply gerkhins sliced length wise into quarters. I think the appeal lies in the name, because we all know you can get pickles in a jar anywhere in the world, but where the fuck else can you chow down on a party stick?

#2 - Choco Muesli (Master Crumble!)
I stumbled across the poor mans muesli in LIDL the week I arrived. Another brilliant product name - Master Crumble! (I'm quite sure the name is followed by an exclamation point, which makes this cereal especially toothsome). Since then I have stepped it up to other more expensive brands of chocolate infused muesli such as Quaker, Albert Heijn and o'Lacy. However this has not been a gracious choice on my part. LIDL; the poor mans supermache, carries what ever they can get their greasy merchant hands on. They have to ply the bottom feeders with the cheapest products and often times do not replenish stock once it has sold. I speak for Gijs, Santina and myself in saying that we long for the day the Master returns to the shelves and our breakfast (and sometimes mid afternoon) table.

#3 - Strawberry + Orange Juice
My favourite in a series of Albert Heijn exclusive "split" juices. Strawberry and Orange. So simple, yet such a treat for my tastebuds. These fancy fucks are found in the refrigerated section of Albert Heijn which means they are a little more expensive than the other cartons out on the shelves, but goddammit I can taste my extra 25 cents in every drop.

#4 - Stroopwafels
An old favourite of mine. I first encountered the Stroopwafel (English translation is Syrup Waffle) back in 2006. I think they are one of the most famous Dutch treats as most of my friends in the UK used to ask me to bring them back when I would come to Amsterdam. A nice trick with Stroopwafels is to place them on the top of your hot mug of coffee or tea. The heat from your beverage melts the syrup and the snack becomes ten times more delicious.

#5 - Curry Ketchup
You can put this shit on anything. Gijs actually puts it on pretty much anything. The Dutch love to eat fries, and they soak them in either mayonaise, peanut sauce or this spicy liquid. They don't fuck around with the size of the bottle either. I haven't seen one smaller than this juice cannon.

#6 - Pear Icy Poles
Holy Santa shit! Why hasn't someone from Home Ice Cream or Streets or another icecream company in Australia done these? They are without doubt one of the best tasting ice blocks I have ever had. They taste like a really cold pear, on the end of a little wooden stick. Can you taste it right now? Have I whet your appetite? Also - they're like €1.29 for a box of 12. Shit off!

#7 - Capsicum Chips
Santina thought I invented the word Capsicum to try and fool her. I didn't. This is another flavour that the Dutch seem to have conjured while the rest of the world sits eating salt'n'vinegar. Another personal favourite is bolognese chips.

Boring pointless blog. I have one. You read it.

Good work son!

So you might have read that while I was waiting for Matt and Pat a few weeks ago at the airport I saw a newspaper cover that made me laugh. After having a read of Gareth's blog I found the link to the story. Wow. Look at this fucking kid...He looks like an eight year old. The father that is. He is thirteen now which means he was just twelve years old when he stuck it in. Brilliant. I don't think my dick even worked when I was twelve.

Fatty and skinny went to bed, fatty shat out a kid nine months later.

Byron Baywatch

The week before I left Austraaaaalia I went to Byron Bay with TVs Ryan Sim for a hang with Kevin and Rosie. Comeback Kid had just toured Aus as well and Casey had stuck around for a bit as well.

I was getting all nostalgic and shit today and found some photos that I took that day. It was an awesome day. We had ribs and chicken for lunch. We also accidently burned the BBQ cover.

Ryan Sim and Kevin Call - completely rad dudes.

Kevin Call cutting chicken behind a photo of himself in New Zealand.

Casey. Normally has better hair than this. Watch his videos - over there on the Bros link.

Junior Master Chef.

I kissed Katy Perry...And I liked it

Well I didn't really kiss her, but it would have been nice. I would have liked it...
Here is what happened...

Last night Gaslight Anthem and Polar Bear Club were playing at Melkweg in the smaller room, and Katy Perry was playing in the larger room. Gaslight and PBC were great, and I snuck in to watch a few Katy Perry songs as well. Over all, I had a great time - caught up with lots of people who I hadn't seen since I arrived - might have sorted out some possible tour work and maybe some work in Amsterdam as well...

The bands finish and my friend Ernesto and I were having a beer in the lobby bit of the venue where the coat check and the merch tables were...Out of an elevator pops Katy Perry and (presumably) her two assistants...walks straight towards Ernesto and I...

So before I left Australia, "One Summer Crew" (fucking YES Daryl Braithwaite) were blasting at Helmets house and we had a look at the gig listings for Amsterdam for when I got over here...and who should be playing, but Helmet's Summer '09 crush; Katy Perry. I made a promise to the grizzly little man that day that I would track Katy Perry down and make her phone him.

For reference, here is a photo of Helmet. I miss him a lot!


As luck would have it, she walked straight into my arms.

The following conversation ensued:

Me: "Hey Katy."
Katy: "Yeh? Hi."
Me: "Hey, I saw your show, it was really cool."
Katy: "Oh thanks, that's sweet."
Me: "I'm a sweet guy."
Katy's assistant: "Yeh, so we have to keep going to the cab out the front now."
Me: "Wait, I have a friend at home in Australia who really wanted me to try and meet you and get you to phone him."
Katy: "You're from Australia? I fucking love Australia!"
Katy's assistant: "Yeh, so the cab is out the front."
Me: "We'll just be a second here."

At this point, I already have my phone to my ear waiting for Helmet to pick up...

Me: "So can you say hey to my friend? It's ringing now."
Katy: "OK...oh it went to a voice mail..."
Me: "Can you leave a message?"
Katy: "Sure - Hi...uhm, what's your friend's name?"
Me: "Helmet."
Katy: "Like on your head? OK...Hi Helmet! I'm here in Amsterdam with your friend...what's your name again?"
Me: "Nick."
Katy: "I'm here in Amsterdam with your friend Nick and he wanted me to leave you a message - so hey what's up! Good morning! I wish I could have spoken to you!"
Me: "Thanks! He's going to do things to himself while listening to that voice mail you realise..."
Katy's assistant: "Wow...thanks...we have to go now."
Katy: "Nice to meet you Nick."
Me: "You too Katy - bye bye."

I would love to have heard what Helmet would have said to her had he answered his phone... He tells me he was only seconds away from picking it up. Time differences are a motherfuck.

So that was that. If only Ernesto had come through and taken a photo. Alas. You'll have to take my word for it and hope that Helmet gets around to somehow uploading the conversation so we can all whack off while listening to it!