WKND

Here are some things Santina said to me last night.

You're so stupid that you thought Fleetwood Mac was a new burger at McDonalds.
You're so fat that when you get in an elevator, it has to go down.
You're so poor that when I took your family portrait and said cheese, you went looking for it.
You're so stupid that you took a ruler to bed to see how long you slept.
You're so ugly that your birth certificate was an apology letter from the condom company.

The WKND was:

Friday night I did nothing. It was raining when I walked out of work so I just went home and drank beer. Saturday I slept in then watched a documentary My Life As A Terrorist, about a German dude who was a terrorist in the 70s and was on the run for 23 years. It wasn't as exciting as I had hoped it would be. Then I watched the Radiohead documentary Meeting People Is Easy and shaved my attempt at a moustache. That thing was fucking hideous. I am not going to try to grow another one until I have grey hair. At least grey hair looks noble and George Clooneyesque; He really is an important guy.

A lady on a bike got hit by a guy on a scooter out the front of Gijs and Santina's flat. She was on the ground crying, a crowd formed, helped her out, got her a chair from a cafe over the road, the police eventually came, then an ambulance... Then she got up and walked to the stretcher and went for a ride to the hospital.

Two things:
1. The cops and the ambulance took about 30 minutes to arrive. Lazy Dutch.
2. When the ambulance came, she just got up and walked to the stretcher. She walked. She was fine. Eerrrggghhh......


After I fixed my face I went to meet Santina after she finished work. I went around the corner to my new favourite sandwich cafe on Ree Straat and got the Cremonese on brown (salami, green olives, pesto, tomato and mozzarella - melted). Santina had to put some fliers for her DJ night into some record stores so we walked around for a while. We ended up at Independent Outlet (Amsterdam's version on Kill The Music) and I bought a couple of records. I got Murder City Devils 10" Thelma, and finally found the Lambchop LP Aw C'mon, No You C'mon. I always look for that record in stores, but have never seen it. I am too lazy to look on the net or to go on ebay. Anyway, bought those two and put a few back. I'm going to go in with Gijs and get him to recommend all the good Dutch shit they have.

Saturday night we jumped a train to Harlem with two of the guys from Gijs' band to go and watch Mono from Japan. We get to the show and it is sold out. Pretty fucking bummed. I missed Mono when they played in Brisbane, so I was really looking forward to seeing them. Also, after seeing Earth play last week as well, I was kind of in the mood for more of the same atmospheric shit. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. Gijs and I get a train back to Amsterdam. The other guys had bought their tickets weeks ago...smart guys. We go home and I drink a bottle of wine.

We then find out that friends of Gijs' The Real Danger are playing at the Winston. This saves our Saturday night from becoming a boring disappointment. These guys are super fucking rad. Similar to Face To Face and Descendents I guess. Listen to them here - http://www.myspace.com/therealdanger

Party for a while and then head home. The clocks wind forward an hour at 2am for Summer time... We get home and legally it is around 5am. Am I losing touch that I note the time when I get home from being out on the weekend? I need to get loose a bit more. I don't think I drink like I used to. I need to start kicking Europe in the face a bit more. That's what I'm in this for...

Sunday sleep in, walk into town, get some coffee, Santina ends up helping her friend out at the coffeeshop because it is so busy, Gijs and I go for a walk, I buy a Sunn 0))) LP Domkirke and Gijs buys some DVDs. I get an egg salad sandwich and an hour later have to run into a cafe and use their bathroom. Bung! Saw this awesome old guy floating around near a bridge with about 100 people watching him play. He had a wind-up organ on his boat and was playing a trumpet and whistling with his other hand. I wanted to throw some coins at him, but wasn't sure if he was busking or just an old dude chilling out cutting laps and playing music for tourists.

Best busker I've seen in Amsterdam.

I'm going to see Rise And Fall play this week, I think in Belgium? Super fucking stoked. Also found out that Tragedy are playing in Utrecht the night before I leave for Groezrock. Holy Daryl Sommers! I can't fucking wait.
Groezrock Festival is going to be awesome. Have a look at the line up here - http://groezrock.be/
I get to see The Get Up Kids. Do I dare call it early and say best show of 2009? We'll see...

Pause & photograph.

Shave for a cure

I found a cure; my razor. I think the final straw for me was Alma calling it "yellow" yesterday at work. I didn't even last three weeks.

Until I become a grizzly old man who doesn't give a fuck, my face will stay clean shaven.

I'm going to watch Mono tonight. Fuck yes.

3 photos of me & one not of me

Master Crumble is back in stock at LIDL. You never know how often it will be on the shelves, so Gijs and I bought six boxes of that delicious shit.

My mustache is growing. Slowly. I made this photo black and white because it is truly disgusting in colour.

I had to delete a heap of shit from my laptop because it is running out of space. I found a photo of me from January 3rd 2006. What a babe.

Screenshot w/ subtitles. New hobby.

Gijs and I went and saw Earth play last night at The Paradiso. They were brilliant. I definitely felt like a fucking hippie while they were playing. You could say I "lost" myself for the hour and a half that they played... You could say that, but it would sound totally gay. Let's just say they were fucking amazing.

After that we went home and watched Defiance - the Daniel Craig movie about WW2. This movie is complete horse shit. Do not waste your time. First Valkyrie, now this... I think I see a pattern emerging from Hollywood concerning WW2 movies with American actors attempting Eastern European accents.

Two things

The 12 year old had a paternity test. He didn't know what a DNA test was, but he knew that they were checking if he was the daddy or not... He is not the father. Homegirl was laying 7 other dudes.

Bummer.


Also... Wow.

Leeroy Cloggins

Party clog.

...is ten minutes too far

My friend Abby came to Amsterdam for the weekend. She and Trad were together a few years back and we've been friends ever since. She lives in London now and works in fashion PR. She is a pretty fancy girl and is a lot of fun to hang out with. We used to catch up every now and then when I was living in London, so it was cool to be able to show her around some places here. She stayed with her friend Savvi who works for Nike Europe. Savvi grew up in Melbourne and has lived here for a while now. Her apartment is fucking amazing. Super fantastiche.

Abby

Two more of Abby's friends were in Amsterdam this weekend as well; Emily and Campbell. They are friends of Abby's who have been traveling Europe for the past year or so in a camper van. I'd met Emily years ago but I have a memory like a deflated football, so I didn't really remember her. She is Jesse's sister... That more than likely means nothing to almost everyone who is reading this. In saying that, if you are Leo, Carlos, Trad, Rea or anyone else from Noosa/Sunshine Coast, then you will be able to make all the necessary connections. Emily and Campbell are about to fly back to Australia via Sri Lanka. Rad.

Campbell & Emily

On Saturday the four of us went to the Noord Market (Noord is Dutch for...North), then the three of them went on a guided tour of the red light district and smoked some weed. I don't dig on grass and I have seen the red light district enough, so I went home and fell asleep listening to the new M. Ward record. I'm kicking myself in the face for not going to see M. Ward two weeks ago when I had the chance. Piss. Gijs and Santina came home from work and we cooked some food. I stayed home on Saturday night because I was tired from walking around all day and my cash is really starting to dwindle. I stayed up until 4am and finished the bottle of Jack that I bought duty free, then gave Trad a call. He wasn't easy like Sunday morning like Lionel Richie would have you believe. I woke the wookie.

Let sleepers lie

Princengracht

Jesus & Abby & I

Please rob us

Ummm.... You're white. You can't get a Rasta tattoo... Unless it is meant to be as ridiculous as my Tupac tattoo. I have a feeling she is serious though.

Window shopping

On Sunday we (Abby, Campbell, Emily, Gijs, Santina, Savvi and myself - fuck yes, that list is in alphabetical order - almost) went and had bagels and coffee, then went to the library near Central Station. The library is huge and is pretty magnificent piece of modern architecture. It has a restaurant on the top floor and pretty gnarly views of the city and part of the harbour. No photos this time, I left my camera at home.

Santina and Gijs and Patrick came and visited me at work on Friday. I went for a spin on Santina's bike. I'm going to try and get one this week I think.


Shit I've been getting down with:

Röyksopp - Junior
Only Pat will like this album. Everyone else who even bothers to heed my recommendation will think it is complete Euroswine. Even I'm not 100% convinced yet. We just sat through five of the eleven tracks. Santina wasn't really feeling it. Her favourite band is KISS though, so figure that one out.

Little Miss Sunshine
I watched ten minutes of this movie on the plane from Brisbane to Singapore, but then my TV fucked itself. I just watched the whole thing with Gijs and Santina and I think it is great. My favourite scene might be when the doctor tells the family that the grandpa has died, then says he will get the grief counsellor to come and talk to them about the remains... "LINDA!" Funny shit. Also, the contest is held in Redondo Beach... Morrissey... mmm.

Booker T & The MGs
Dude is a Soul & R'n'B legend from the 60s who is releasing his new album on ANTI. He played Amsterdam last week and I went along to the show with a few people from work. I think Booker T's most famous song is "Green Onions" - I guarantee you know it, just maybe didn't know who wrote it. Anyway, dude was super friendly and extremely intelligent. When I spoke to him, he really seemed to consider every word before he would say it. The guitarist who was playing with him is named Steve Cooder and wrote Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay. We had a good old chat about Guy Sebastian; Australia's favourite Idol. You might remember "our Guy" released a covers album in late 2007? It stormed the charts that Christmas. His voice being that of an angel, carried it on wings, straight off the shelves and into the CD collections of thousands of Australians. Well my mate Coods recorded it for Guy in Memphis or some shit. Anyway, fuck Guy Sebastian, watch Booker laying out some sweet organ work. Another side note, I bought a round of beers during the show which came to €9.20 and I paid with a €20 note. The barman gave me €30.80 in change. Super stoked.

Movie Stills w/ Sub-titles
Gijs and Santina always watch DVDs with the sub-titles on, either in English or Dutch. This results in some interesting screen shots.



Two final things:
1. I'm going to send some postcards soon. If you want one (with a personalised message from myself), then email/msn/aim/myspace/facebook/sms me your address.
2. I'm going to try and grow a mustachio like John Waters. Wish me luck.

Master Crumble for dinner

Hello. I started an internship at Epitaph Records Europe last week and have been pretty busy since then. Epitaph also does Hellcat Records, Burning Heart Records and ANTI Records. Neko Case debuted at #3 on the US Billboard chart and she is on ANTI. People at work are losing their shit. The album is really nice. Listen to it if you like chicks with nice voices playing nice country-ish music. Journalism degree and I still really like using the word nice. Nice. This is the first time in about two months that I've worked (I work 10-6 five days a week) at a desk, and to be honest I am really enjoying be back in an office and having a bit of a routine. I guess it helps that I'm not working at the Department of Main Roads anymore... This job is a touch more exciting.

So I guess I knew before I came over here that it was going to be a stretch for me to get a full time job with solid cash in this industry, however I think I really underestimated the current global economic crisis... If shit doesn't work out so well then Brisbane might cop a raw deal and be seeing me a whole lot sooner than planned... Having said that, I'm staying positive. The Hold Steady - Stay Positive. (Reminds me I never got around to doing a Top 10 records of last year. I might do that if I get bored at work this week...)

Anyway, I used to do a lot of work with Alma from Epitaph when I worked for Atticus/Macbeth, so she was nice enough to hook me up this work even though she said I am "way over qualified" to be doing it... Pretty minimal cash as its an internship, but fuck it, I get to work with some cool people and I get paid some cash each month as well as a shit tonne of free vinyl and CDs and shows etc, so its not all bad. Another good thing is that I'll probably get some tours out of it. Epitaph just started a merch company, so there should be a bit of work for me in the next few months that will pay properly. Hopefully Warped Tour in one capacity or another...

Other than that, I haven't been doing too much. We don't have the internet at home anymore because whichever neighbour we were stealing wireless from figured it out. Bummer. I did stay up until 4am a few nights though talking shit on msn to people in Australia and downloading a lot of music, so I guess we milked it for all it was worth. I'm still staying at Gijs and Santina's place in the living room. I owe them one hundred thousand vegan Euros. Or even better, I will just return the favour when they come to Australia to hang out. Pretty sure the Dutch hung out in Australia before Captain Cook did... It'll be like homecoming when they come down.

Gijs and Santina scored a washing machine off their friends the other night, so Gijs' parents came to Amsterdam to help pick it up and get it into the flat. Flats in Amsterdam are generally in the four or so floors above the shop fronts on the road level. Gijs and Santina live on the first floor. Thank the sweet Duke John for that! Gijs, his mate, his dad and myself had to carry a washing machine down four flights of stairs and load it into Gijs' dad's car. That sucked. The Dutch didn't design their hallways and stairwells for fatties, let alone four dudes trying to carry an antique washing machine. The thing weighed more than Nina's fridge at our old place. Luckily the hallway was a decent width.

So we get it back to Gijs' flat, but there is no way it is going to fit up the stairs in their building, so it has to come through the front window. I'll let the photos do the talking. They say a picture tells a thousand words. If these pictures had voice boxes or fingers to hold pens and could write legibly, these are some of the words they would say:

"This thing is really fucking heavy, dude."

"Gijs, hurry up! Your mum can't hold it for much longer." (Ho ho ho! You laugh?)

"This is bullshit."

"No, I didn't piss my pants from straining. The water leaked out of the machine when we pulled it over the railing."

"This rope burn on my hands makes me look like I've been masturbating for 14 hours. You should see my dick."

"I am the strongest man alive."

"Great city planning you stupid 19th century Dutch pricks."

"I wish Shane Collins was here. I'd be drinking peach iced tea and the machine would already be in the rinse cycle."

Pulling a washing machine over a railing

Shit I've been getting down with lately:

The Gifthorse - From The Floor Up

Shane sent me the new Gifthorse ep the other day and I can't stop listening to it. It makes me wish I was at home to break my knee for real when they have their launch show. I have been playing it quite a bit in the office and everyone seems to like it. One of the girls said Shane's voice on the Spy vs. Spy cover reminds her of Gavin Rossdale from Bush... Haha. How's your Glycerine, Shane?

Young Governor - Virginia Creeper 7"

Dude from Fucked Up/No Warning's solo band. Super good. Maybe a little Dan Sartain-ish. Listen to it. Have a house party. Play it at that house party. Mack a babe. Woo her with your great taste in music. Tell her an impressive story about your friend Nick who is living in Amsterdam. Kiss her face.

A Guide To Recognising Your Saints

This movie has Robert Downey Jr., (B)Rosario Dawson, Chazz Palminteri and Dianne West in it as well as a bunch of young actors. It is one of the saddest stories/movies I have seen in a while. Kind of like a Wes Anderson movie but not funny, just depressing. It is set in Brooklyn in the 80s and is a true story, based on a book of the same name which I am going to to try and find this week. If you see it at a shop, buy it. If you can download it, do it. The scene with Dianne West and Robert Downey Jr. on the stairs when he goes back to see his parents after 15 years... Holy sad shit. Saddest.

William Elliott Whitmore - Animals In The Dark

We have been listening to this new album a lot at work because ANTI put it out. Really nice album. (Nice). Dude is touring here soon and I will get to see him play a few times. Stoked.

Hertog Jan

I guess this is maybe the Dutch answer to Coopers Pale Ale... In so much as it is brewed with fancy water under strict regulations regarding preservatives and all that shit. Hertog Jan literally translates to Duke John. Top bloke ol' Johnny! I'm thinking to get a Hertog Jan tattoo on my leg at some point before I leave...

Moha!

Gijs and I went to the Ocii (Cool little venue that used to be a squat about 20 years ago and now does proper shows) the other night while Santina stayed home and drank my Jack Daniels. We saw a collaboration between this Norwegian band Moha! and a couple of other people... They had a huge light setup across the front of the stage, like flood lights and strobes and all sorts of gnarly shit. They were kind of like early Fantomas, and were loud as fuck. Couple the sheer volume of their drums and their drum machine and other programming bits, and the blinding lights and it was a pretty awesome show. Gijs didn't like it, I bought a 12".

Shit I've not been getting down with lately:

Ben Lee

We listened to his new album at work a couple of times yesterday. The dude needs to shut his stupid koala looking face. A lot of people hated his older stuff, but I didn't mind some of it. After listening to this contrived horse shit, I can honestly say that if I were to ever be unlucky enough to meet him, I would tell Ben Lee his music really blows. You're not John Lennon, dude. You're not remotely close. You aren't allowed to have a song about Yoko Ono. Fuck. Ergh.

Vegemite

So the one small jar of Vegemite I bought at Brisbane Airport the day I left is well and truly finished. I went for a walk to the US/UK food store the other day which is on one of the busy touristy streets in Central Amsterdam. Luckily they sell antipodean novelties as well! I paid €6 for a 150g jar of Vegemite. I'm a stupid asshole. That is roughly $13 Australian. Old dude running the store must be glad there are douchers like me around who want to make delicious treats for themselves. I have been disfiguring at least four croissants a day in the microwave with Vegemite and cheese. If I keep it up I might become known as Fat Tits Lucas.

Dog shit

The savages living in this city. For the most part, I'm not a huge fan of dogs. Amsterdamians (Amsterdamites? Amsterdamese?) aren't helping me out so much. On every foot path, on every street, everywhere in this city; Dog shit. I haven't tread the stinky line yet, but the day it happens I'm going to fucking flip. I'll take a shit on a dog's foot and then we'll see what's up. Street by street, block by block... A Brownstorm.

Master Crumble for dinner

Learning Dutch

The Mike Giant way.

Holy shit!

Dude can climb!
He got to the top on his own but had to use a fire-truck ladder to get down...

Dude decided to climb to the top of a cross, strip, shit in his hand and wipe it on the cross...

Maybe he is the second coming of Christ?
He kind of looks like Jesus but with shorter hair and smellier hands...


From 8 a.m. to around 3:15 p.m. yesterday, an unidentified nude twentysomething man, reported to be suicidal, sat 50 feet in the air atop the cross at West Bethel Presbyterian Church on La Brea Ave. between Wilshire and Olympic. He finally came down after a seven hour confrontation with the fire and police departments (including SWAT), who had placed an air cushion on the ground in case he fell and a ladder for him to climb down on, which he used.

A witness told KTLA that the man told her he was "protesting against Christianity." He apparently climbed up clothed, but stripped and threw is clothes down. His only request during the standoff was a towel to wipe his hands clean after wiping his waste on the cross. An officer told the TV station that one of the crimes he would be arrested for was defacing a church, which is a felony.

(story from: http://laist.com)

"We don't like Jesus either, children."

Party party party

Santina turned 24 yesterday so she had a little hoo haa. I got pretty leathered, took over the ipod and taught the Dutch all about Australian musicians like Daryl Braithewaite, John Farnham, INXS, Frenzal Rhomb, Toe To Toe, The Gifthorse and Amity. They liked all.

I didn't take many photos, in fact I only got a couple when everyone was here and then when there were only five of us left sat around at 3am... Too much drank.

I learned today that the Dutch say "Ik heb een kater geadopteerd" when they have a hang over. It literally translates to "I adopted a cat". I must be a fucking animal shelter or a demented old cat lady if that is the case.

Santina's mum gave her a Bon Jovi picture book.

Apple cake!

High five!

Sander and his lady were the last to leave. Pretty sure he would have fallen off his bike on the way home. Dude was shit faced.

Gijs!